Burning Question: Who is this Easter Bunny character anyway?

Who invited your weird ass to Easter dinner?

As everyone knows, the Easter Bunny is that dingy-furred mall worker holding a long-eared mascot head and smoking behind the dumpsters. But why does he bring us his pilfered eggs on the day Jesus decided being dead wasn’t for him?

Well, it turns out that every person who celebrates Easter—from the Bible thumping zealots to the dispassionate twice-a-year churchgoers, even the homeless guy on the park bench chasing Cadbury Eggs with malt liquor—is partaking in ancient traditions established by pre-Christians.

According to Lauren Effron of Discovery News, Easter fixtures such as bunnies and hidden eggs owe their origins to pagan ceremonies honoring the arrival of spring and rebirth (and yes, technically, resurrection).

According to University of Florida’s Center for Children’s Literature and Culture, the origin of the celebration—and the Easter bunny— can be traced back to 13th century, pre-Christian Germany, when people worshiped several gods and goddesses. The Teutonic deity Eostra was the goddess of spring and fertility, and feasts were held in her honor on the Vernal Equinox. Her symbol was the rabbit because of the animal’s high reproduction rate. Spring also symbolized new life and rebirth; eggs were an ancient symbol of fertility. According to History.com, Easter eggs represent Jesus’ resurrection. However, this association came much later when Roman Catholicism became the dominant religion in Germany in the 15th century and merged with already ingrained pagan beliefs.

I knew that damned evil Easter Bunny was up to no good.

Tags: Christian, Easter, Easter Bunny, eggs, good friday, holidays, pagan, religion